i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
