I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
