My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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