Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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