I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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