paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Drake has all the answers
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
