On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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