I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
