remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
