So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize