dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
