Define "chronic" masturbator.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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