My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize