biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
