Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
