my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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