My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
