I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Randomize
