you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
