allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
