you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize