you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
