Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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