Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
