He had one of those small greek statue penises
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize