I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
