Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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