Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
