I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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