Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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