when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
