i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
