Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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