My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
