Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
