Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
