Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Dignity is for republicans.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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