Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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