chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
His hands were made for my vagina.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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