WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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