literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize