omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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