I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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