I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
