When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
