Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize