You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
