Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
