hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
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