My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
And then he peed in my hair
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