Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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