she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
