At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
