I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
