bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
