Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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