How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
