I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
