If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
