when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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