he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
