barbara walters just said penis...
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
