North Korea, Best Korea!
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize