I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
