I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
