I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
