woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I smell like Dick and happiness
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