There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
