cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize