im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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