Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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