No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
