She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
