Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
