the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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