this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
