I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Randomize
