never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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