remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Randomize
