my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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