I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
