I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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