Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Holy shit dude........stairs
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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