im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
