she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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