oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
