i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
