She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
