Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
3 2 1 whiskey
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
