youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
