I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
party gras won. party gras always wins.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
