i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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