Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
