There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
