you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
