Dignity is for republicans.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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