that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize