I love black thongs
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
