today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
