dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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