Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
